Engineer My Life

I think we all take for granted how important sleep is and what an impact lack of it has. This is true for both adults and children. To drive the point home, sleep deprivation is used as a torture tactic.

I know first hand how lack of sleep affects my family. I am the most unpleasant person to be around first thing in the morning. My husband even makes a point of keeping the kids away from me until I have had my coffee. Without the right amount of sleep, we do not even think or act rationally. This can have many repercussions, including causing traffic accidents or performing at a substandard level at work/school.

Today, we decided to have a play date with another child who has his nap time much later than my children do. We knew it could have a negative effect, but we decided to put our kids to nap later than usual. We left the friends house about an hour after nap time and my younger one fell asleep in the car. I thought he would continue to sleep once we got him into his crib at home, but instead he stayed in his crib and iggled and giggled with his brother until I finally let them out of the room. BIG mistake. I should have made sure they went back to sleep.

At dinner time, the little one decided to throw a fit as we were not serving him fast enough. He threw a fit to the point of not even eating dinner. We eventually had to treat him like a 9 month old and coddle him to get him to even calm down and drink some juice. His dad eventually calmed him down and he subsequently passed out in our bed almost an hour before bed time.

Although the effects of not enough sleep aren’t always as severe as throwing a fit, many little things can be attributed to it. If you are having difficulties with a child’s behavior or performance in school, look first to fix things like bad sleeping and eating habits. It is amazing what good disciplines will do for a person.

Children of school age do really well with routines. Suggested sleep times can be found on several sites. I read a study a long time ago that compared the amount of sleep children get in today’s society to how much they used to get before our society became so industrial and technological. I am going to look for that article, but I found another one on the study of “the sleep of America’s children”. This article can be found here. I am actually really pleased that I found this article. I cannot stress enough how important a good amount of sleep is for everyone!

I found another really good one that goes into detail for the amount of sleep for each age and good practices for bed time routines. It can be found here at netdoctor.com. It is amazing how in line it is with my previous post on getting your child to go to sleep.

Now I know just as well as anyone else how hard it is to fit everything into a busy day and still get to bed on time. Hopefully, future posts will help to make your time management more efficient so that you can get to sleep at a decent hour, after having had enough time to wind down.

Once your child starts getting most of his/her nutrition from solid or solid like foods, there is no more need for a bottle in the middle of the night. Quite frankly, a bottle should not be associated with sleep, it should be associated with thirst or hunger. Often times it is easy for us to get our baby/toddler to go to sleep by giving them a bottle…not good. That practice creates the problem we are trying to deal with here. Additionally, it is bad to give your child anything other than water before bed if they have teeth, the sugar can cause decay. (Once your child has teeth on the top and bottom, it is time to start getting most of the daily nutrition from solids or mushy stuff).

Waking up in the middle of the night is also not good for the well being of you or your child. Broken sleep is the worst! Nobody is happy the morning after an interrupted night of sleep. It only takes two easy steps to stop this. It will also only take two things, time and patience. The following steps apply to both a bottle or sippy cup. From here on I will only refer to bottle (shorter to type).

Step 1: Give the child water. When your child wakes up in the middle of the night give him/her water. The first few nights your child will likely throw a fit. Eventually one of two things will happen. Either the child will have finally decided ‘I am not waking up for freaking water’ and eventually stop waking up, or he/she will get used to the water, stop throwing a fit, but still wake up. For the latter, please see step 2.

Step 2: Give the child nothing. Go into the room and tell him/her that they are not getting a bottle and it is time to sleep. Tuck the child back into bed and say ‘mommy (daddy) loves you but you are not getting a bottle, go to sleep’. Leave the room and do not go back in. Eventually your child will stop waking up for nothing.

NOTE: It is very important throughout any behavior changing process that you make sure the child does not need anything else. Make sure he/she is changed or has gone to the potty. Make sure there is no possibility of your child being hungry. Not too hot, not too cold, etc…you get the picture. This will help you to be reassured that the child is only crying to get what he/she wants.

** A really great tip to help your child sleep right through the night is a very active day. Make sure you do as much as possible throughout your day to wear your child out. A tired child will sleep right through the night, even if he/she had PLANNED on waking up for milky.

It is all over the internet, but I though I would share again. I am thoroughly pleased that L-lysine is the reason I never again have to spend two weeks covering my mouth when I talk to people so that my cold sore doesn’t show. Forget about how embarrassing they are, they are unbelievably painful and long lasting. Two days ago I felt the tingling and immediately ran for the bottle and took 2. I then took 1 three times a day following that. I can feel it there under the skin, but it never surfaced or festered. YAY for me.

It is very important to take 2 right away and then take 1 three times a day to make sure that it does not surface. Continue to take it until you do not feel it under the skin or a scab has formed. I promise the heal time will go from 2 weeks to 2 - 4 days. Below is some technical information about L-lysine from www.forces-of-nature.net. This supplement can be bought over the counter at any grocery store or pharmacy and several different manufacturers make it. It is also not any more expensive than a bottle of vitamin C.

I have a 4 year old and a 19 month old and I tell them bed time and, for the most part, they go right into their room and within 10 minutes (or less) they are done for the night. Friends and family alike are amazed and want to know how I do it.

Before the how, let us discuss the why. Children need a certain amount of sleep a night to be productive and healthy the next day. Your child’s brain will be lagging all day if it has not had enough rest. This will cause an irritable child and eventually an irritable parent. Without enough rest, the body (even for adults) does not absorb enough oxygen. When this happens, it weakens all the defenses in the body. This is why when a person is ill, one of the first pieces of advice is ‘get rest’. A good supply of oxygen is also essential to the brain for controlling the body and increasing the ability to learn.

Besides the health and well being of the child, the time afforded to the parent is also important. My husband and I cherish the time we spend with our children. However, there are things we have to do to prepare everyone for the next day. These tasks become twice as difficult with a tired child trying to vie for attention. Additionally, time for my husband and I to spend with each other and wind down is equally as important as time with the kids.

Now that the why has been covered, it should encourage you to take the next step towards the how. The how is harder if the child is older. I never really had much of a problem with either child as I started from the get go. The steps are still the same, regardless of the age of the child.

Step 1: Do not let your child sleep in your bed. This is a very important first step. Allowing your child to sleep in your bed creates dependency. Put your new born in a bassinet, crib, or even pack n play in your room for the first month or two. The child will be easily accessible in the middle of the night for feeding and changing but will eventually realize that he/she goes back in the appropriate place for sleep. It has been my experience that around 4 months old is when they start to form habits such as wanting to sleep in the bed with mommy. Do not feel like you are taking bonding away from your child as there are many more appropriate bonding moments to be had with your infant, such as nursing/feeding and play time.

Step 2: Prepare your child for bedtime. Make sure your child has been fed. Make sure he/she has gone to the potty or has been changed. Put on jammies, brush teeth (if applicable) and read bed time story (also if applicable). Give your child lots of huggies and kissies and explain that it is bedtime and he/she will now go to sleep. This last part is very important because it sets the expectation for the child but also provides security (mommy is not leaving you in here to be alone because she does not care).

Step 3: Make your child comfortable. If you have an infant, swaddle him/her in the blankies to provide a warm, close feeling. For all subsequent ages, tuck them in and smoosh the covers in around them to provide that same warm feeling.

Steps 1-3 are done so that you will know your child now needs nothing else for the time being.

Step 4: Leave the room. If your child is in a crib or bed in your room, you will need to leave the room until the child is asleep.

What happens after step 4 depends on how old your child is and what your previous practices have been. It is more than likely that your child will have a fit and cry for you. Please remember that as far as I have ever heard, no child has ever cried themselves to death. Please comment on this blog post if you have heard otherwise.

Step 5: Pay attention. Listen for the crying and take note of the time. The younger the child, the shorter the period you will let them cry for at a time. The first night you try this method, only let the child cry for 5 minutes.  For all subsequent nights use the following matrix: For 0-4 months let the child cry for about 5 minutes. For 5-18 months let the child cry for 10 minutes. For all subsequent ages let the child cry for 15 minutes.

Step 6: Check on the child to calm and reassure. Go into the room, ask him/her if something is wrong? If the child is young enough, he/she will obviously not respond. However, they understand more than we know, so we ask the question anyway. Older kids will give an excuse, you will reassure him/her that everything is fine and they are going to go to sleep. For infants who can’t communicate, you may want to make sure everything is still alright; do we need a diaper change? were you still hungry? do you have a fever? is your foot caught in the crib? Once you have determined all the answers are no, reassure the infant that everything is alright, mommy loves you and you are going to go to sleep.

Step 7: Let the child cry to sleep. Now that you are certain the child is clean, dry, fed and in no danger there is no reason to go back in the room. The child has been assured that you love them and that everything is alright. If you are rigid in following these steps, by night 3 step 7, let the child cry to sleep, will be significantly shorter. What happens is the child realizes that you are not coming back in the room to keep them company, there will eventually be no reason the him/her to continue to cry. The first night, this step may be as long as 1 to 2 hours. PLEASE be assured that this will not damage the child mentally or physically. As a matter of a fact, you are teaching your child trust. You are sticking to your word and they will realize that, even if they can’t verbalize it.

If your child is able to get out of bed and open the bedroom door, you will need an additional step.

Step 8: Be persistent. This is not an easy step to follow through with, especially if you have other children in the room. Unfortunately, it is necessary or it will just be harder later. Once the child gets out of the bed and room, you will put him/her back in the bed and use a firm voice to let him/her know they are going to sleep and will not get back out of the bed. You may need to repeat step 8 numerous times. Even upward of 20 times in one night. There is no need to yell or be frustrated, just consistent. You should see a decline in the number of times you have to put the child back in the bed after the third night.

My experience has been 3 to 7 days to see significant improvement in getting your child to go to sleep.

I have experienced relapses in my younger child months after he was going to sleep easily. I just held fast to my steps all over again and saw the results immediately.

Please remember that every child is different and only you know your child best. The steps may have to be tweaked for each individual child. It is very important that you pay attention to your child, not just when going to bed. Knowing the intimate details of your child’s behavior is the first step to you managing him/her. Parents automatically know how to love their child, it is innate. Discipline is not nearly as inherent, but certainly as important to producing a well rounded child.

Ah…my first post. How bitter sweet.

My first piece of advice; let those who know do. I decided to set up my own web page and I asked my husband to help me. He is a Professional SEO Consultant and apparently really good at what he does. He also knows a thing or two in other computer related areas.

After asking him to help me, I hovered over his shoulder every step of the way, almost encouraging him to turn around in one swift movement and slap me. I kept telling him what to do and raising my voice with every step of frustration between the two of us. He got the most done in the few moments that he tasked me to do other things on my computer.

So, for those of you like my husband who have to deal with the ‘know it alls’ of the world like me, just redirect us as you would a child. Give us busy work to get us out of your hair, preferably something we will WANT to do. And for those of you like me who actually have to ask for help every now and then, let the people you ask for help actually help you!